soda bread and guilt

What do you get when you add an afternoon re-watch of The Great British Bake Off's Bread Week (aka. Louise's week) with a spare* 500ml tub of yoghurt** and multiply that with extreme baker's guilt***?

Soda.

Frickin'.

Bread.

Bread in an hour is a dangerous and wondrous thing.

All praise Irish traditions, my unbridled loaf lust and Paul Hollywood, the King of Yeast.

I accidentally created a bread labyrinth.

I can only hope a tiny Sourdough Minotaur rages grumpily at its core.

Kind of like Gachnar the Fear Demon:

There really isn't much i can't relate back to Buffy.

More bread here.

* by "spare" i mean it was in the fridge and i declared it mine. Everyone benefits, right?

** buttermilk is traditionally used but warmed up natural yoghurt does the job equally well. I've also heard mutterings of milk and lemon juice but i reckon your dough would get way too sloppy, way too quickly.

*** i'm a garbage human who takes extreme interest in things for a short period of time and then drops them mercilessly, thus why i haven't baked bread since July. Ugh.

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pepper potts

When your sister tells you to stop being a procrastinating asshat and just make some goddamn bread, you make some goddamn bread... a week later.

Thus, behold, yet more no-knead pot bread.

The only bread that apparently suits my sloth-like sensibilities.

But this time sans the slathering of toasted sesame oil over the surface and plus a tablespoon and a half of ground peppercorns.

Yes, i made Pepper Pot(ts) Bread.

And it tastes ridiculous.

Marvel, give me the monies.

More bread, here.

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caraway (cheat's) sourdough

Crushed it.

Or more accurately, toasted it.

Cheat's Sourdough harbouring two tablespoons of lightly toasted caraway seeds - not burnt like my first attempt, thank you Ems for rescuing your cooking handicapped little sister - and baked for an additional five minutes.

As good as Valvona and Crolla's they say.

As i said, crushed it.

More bread, here.

cheat's sourdough // charles

Cheat's Sourdough

and

Charles:

Charles needs no explanation but laziness, intrigue and a failed yeast baby birthed this golden sucker into existence and y'know what?

It's not half bad.

Not as tangy as your standard sourdough but i think that could be remedied with a few additional days of fermentation for the yoghurt and perhaps adding some lemon?

Who knows, that particular google search has yet to be performed but i do know one thing for sure:

This recipe needs caraway seeds.

Lots of them.

Immediately.

I see another loaf coming on.

Which is fine because damn, this was easy and satisfying.

Doughs that require a 12 to 18 hour power nap are my favourite doughs.

All hail sloth-like behaviour.

More bread, here.

sesame chia bread // boat bread

I accidentally made almost perfect sandwich bread.

You know the type, soft but firm on the outside with a matte yet glossy finish and an interior that tears like thick cotton candy?

The stuff breaded dreams are bloody made of?!

Well, that loaf right up there? That's the dream and somehow my reasonably useless paws produced it.

Weird.

Recipe: Not Quite Nigella

Also, Boat Bread:

Which is essentially a seedy version of the no-knead loaf i make incessantly but baked in the Lékué Silicone Bread Maker that the rentals bought me for Christmas.

...

Boat bread.

More bread, here.

bread and booze

...

Apparently breaded boozehounds frequent this here blog of inconsequence.

Welcome, fellow bread lovers, welcome.

milk & pepper bread

Behold, inedible bread.

Inedible bread that my rentals keep on eating...

They're odd and gannet-like, do not make this.

The recipe is bullshit, the pepper will choke you and you'll burn the crap out of it.

I repeat, do not make this... it'll make you sad.

So sad you'll make your trusty Pot Loaf to make up for this cakey imposter.

Pot Loaf...

More bread, here.

no-knead white loaf

My bread-addled brain views this series of photos as a kind of... yeasty striptease.

Look again, you'll see it.

...

Or it'll put the final nail in my perverted, breaded coffin.

It even sort of looks like a coffin...

No-Knead White Loaf

More bread here.

pesto soda bread // spotted dog

A week without bread baking and then two loaves in one day*:

Pesto Soda Bread

(basic Soda Bread recipe with a couple of tablespoons of pesto... not as awesome as i thought it would be)

Spotted Dog

(sweetened Soda Bread with a tiny, minuscule, loaf altering mistake... when the recipe says Baking Soda it means Bicarbonate of Soda, not Baking Powder... my bad)

More bread here.

irish potato bread

Take one bread obsessed girl, add in leftover mashed potato and what do you get?

One minor, fluttery freakout and bread that tastes like a freaking scone, that's what you get.

Now, i don't actually like scones, to me they taste like cakey dust bunnies so really i shouldn't like this at all but... sense has never gone hand in hand with my bread fury.

Eat this with all the jam.

...

This is the point where i'd accost you with yet another gif to reflect my feelings because i'm now incapable of voicing them in any other form but channel 4 have deemed Dylan Moran saying "Jam, jam, jam. Jam, jam, jam. Eughhh." unworthy of inter-web tomfoolery so...

More bread, here.

A Noel shaped addendum because my sister remembers more awesome things than me:

Precious Moon.